Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans

It is difficult to look back into the history of humans on planet earth and find a time where humans did not hinder and harm. We should have learned by now — but given the human habit of withholding education and information in the name of profit and power, the chances of entering an era educated enlightenment, before complete extinction of all life on earth, are pretty slim.

Exposing the Big Game

By Andy Borowitz

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report) – Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data…

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